How the Government Fools the Press Corps and the People
“How do they get away with it?” ask many frustrated voters. “Shouldn’t reporters push back when politicians lie?”
Surprisingly, however, politicians seldom lie. They deceive the public in other ways. For example, when reporters ask a question wherein the correct answer would be embarrassing, they answer a related question. A reporter might ask a politician, “Have you ever cheated during your marriage?” The politician would answer, “I believe that fidelity is paramount to God’s laws, and I attend church every Sunday.” That wouldn’t be a lie, but it would be a positive response to a potentially awkward question.
Politicians use other tools that are more effective than outright lies. One of their most effective methods of confusing the public is misnaming things, and stating them in a confusing way. President Obama is a master of this technique, but other presidents—both Republicans and Democrats—have been equally guilty. For example, many Americans are worried about the ballooning National Debt. They should be. But when the subject arises, the President says something like this: “We are proud of our work in reducing the deficit in every year of my administration since 2009.”
The Deficit, of course, is the amount that the government has OVERSPENT the budget in a year. The National Debt is the gigantic amount that we have borrowed from others—like China—and must pay back. For example, let’s consider a hypothetical year in which the government has received taxes of $4-trillion and spent $5-trillion. The Deficit for the year, of course, is $1-trillion. In the next year, the government again takes in $4-trillion in taxes and spends $4.9-trillion. That’s still a Deficit of $900-billion but is smaller than the deficit for the previous year. The President would declare that performance as a great improvement. “The Deficit is getting smaller every year!”
Meanwhile, each year’s Deficit requires massive borrowing, causing the National Debt to grow dangerously larger. If ordinary people overspent like that every year, they would soon max out their credit, and earn the lowest possible FICO score. But politicians boast about it to deceive the public.
Another example is how politicians name new laws. For example, consider “The Affordable Care Act.” Many people favor this law, and many don’t. Regardless of its effectiveness, the name of the law is deliberately deceptive. The word “Care” is a short-form of “Healthcare.” But the law isn’t about healthcare; it is about restructuring the availability of insurance. It works with the same companies that sold insurance before the law. The law’s main effect is that it requires some companies and individuals to pay an extra tax, to make insurance available to more people. Does it make healthcare more “Affordable?” No. For many people affected, insurance costs more than before. We still have patients, healthcare providers, and insurance companies. But now we have the added expense of a government layer. Though the law provides benefits for some people, affordability is not one of them.
Beware of a new future law called something like “The Resource Optimization Via Plebeian Dissolution Act.” That could mean that politicians plan to kill some of us, to provide more goodies for themselves.
Elizabeth Warren Warren Brings Energy to Clinton Campaign
After several weeks of fading energy, Hillary Clinton’s camp received a proverbial “shot in the arm” with the addition of Senator Elizabeth Warren, who now seems to run everything behind the scenes. Clinton insiders knew the campaign needed a boost and Warren was the perfect answer. A senior campaign official reported that Bill Clinton praised Warren.
“That woman is one of the greatest salespeople I’ve ever seen,” exclaimed the former president. “Imagine a blonde caucasian Harvard professor telling the entire state of Massachusetts that she’s a member of the Cherokee Nation. Wow! Even I couldn’t sell a whopper like that one! That’s Obama level. I love it!”
To clear the decks of credibility issues, The Massachusetts Senator called a private meeting of Democrat-friendly pundits and reporters for a confidential discussion of Hillary’s policies as the future President. One of her guests, however, recorded the entire meeting, and we were lucky enough to receive an anonymous copy. Following are key excerpts of that meeting.
Reporter: “Senator, last week Hillary made a speech about the budget. She promised to slash the budget while still investing in a gigantic jobs program and nationwide college tuition support. How can that be possible?”
Warren: “Ah! Listen and learn, my young papoose…”
Reporter: “Excuse me, Senator. Did you just call me “papoose?”
Warren: “Oh did I? Sorry, it’s just force-of-habit from telling stories to my grandchildren. I know it’s not PC, but that’s what we call kids in our Harvard Tribe. But back to discussing the budget. My first rule is this: It’s not what you do, it’s what you call it.
Reporter: “Regardless of what you call something, don’t the numbers have to add up just the same?”
Warren: “Oh, they’ll add up correctly. But first I’ll need to take a tomahawk to the budget.”
Reporter: “Please excuse me again, Senator. Sorry for interrupting. But did you say you’ll use a tomahawk?”
Reporter: “Maybe I did say tomahawk. I probably should have said “hatchet” But we call them tomahawks when working around the wigwam. I keep forgetting that you’re not all members of our Nation.” Regardless of the tool we use, the first thing we’ll do is to separate all sections of the Defense budget, making Army, Navy, Airforce, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard into separate sections. Then we’ll swap names. We’ll rename the budget previously used for the Army, calling it ‘Jobs for all Americans Program.’ Then we’ll backfill the Army budget, with the former ‘Agriculture Subsidy Program.’ We’ll rename the Navy budget, and call it ‘The Tuition Reduction Administration,’ and the former ‘Petroleum Subsidies’ will become the new Navy budget.
Reporter: “But won’t the Army and Navy complain when they discover that they have smaller budgets?
Warren: “They’ll probably complain, but we won’t be concerned. They’ll go on CNN and Fox News and have a bunch of old retired military guys screaming. And then they might have some Congressional hearings. As Hillary often says, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?”
“We’ll get a legion of Democratic spokespeople to read talking points and say that none of the charges are true and that they’re just sexist and racist comments from the far right. It will take them years to investigate. We’ll order the Defense Department to refuse requests for documentation, and that will slow their investigation down to a crawl.
“We don’t care about any of that! As long as every young squaw and brave can get a tuition reduction, and find a job; Hillary will win a re-election in 2020!
Besides, if the media and public complain too much, we’ll blame it on Obama!
Is it time for a third Party Candidate?
With polls showing that more than half of American voters dislike both Presidential candidates, is there still time for a third party to enter the fray? According to wealthy media entrepreneur Robert L. Johnson, founder of the Black Entertainment Network, the answer is yes. “Both the Republicans and Democrats have had their say,” proclaimed Johnson. “And their choices are both pretty grim. We believe America deserves better and have been covertly working to establish a new kind of political party.”
With that, Johnson joined wealthy celebrities Larry David and Shawn Corey Carter (AKA Jay Z) in launching the American Performance Party. The APP has been a work in progress for more than a year, amalgamating donations from Hollywood donors and labor unions. They have quietly registered the party without divulging its name, and will be on the ballot in all 50 states.
Making the party’s formal announcement at a Hip Hop festival in Philadelphia, APP leaders proudly introduced their Presidential Candidate, Kanye Omari West. After five minutes of frantic celebration from the excited crowd, Kanye West delivered his first address as a rap song:
“Hillary and Trump man it’s time for you to hide,
Those elephants and donkeys have all up and died,
Voters all know they’ve been taken for a ride,
But now there’s a West man ridin’ by their side!”
Candidate West sang for more than 30 minutes, telling the delighted crowd about his plans. He pledged to rename the Department of Education to the Department of Entertainment, to be headed by Beyoncé Giselle Knowles.
Promising to announce the remainder of his planned Cabinet within a few days, Kanye named Willie Nelson to be his Secretary of Agriculture. Asked to say a few words, Wilson said, “Picture it in your minds, a country of green happiness! Let’s make our crop legal in every state!”
Finally, West introduced his vice presidential running mate, Caitlyn Jenner. Six inches taller than the Presidential candidate, Caitlin towered over her new running mate, and said, “we’re keeping it in the family. As soon as we figure out what to call our family relationship, we’ll announce that too.”
Seconding the nomination of the West-Jenner ticket was Black Lives Matters co-founder, Alicia Garza, who also addressed the euphoric crowd. Garza praised presidential nominee West. She stated that West would lead the US in a way that no other candidate could. “His life matters. Trump and Clinton lives don’t. We can’t be sure whether Caitlyn’s life matters. She has faced oppression, but she’s white. Our board will have a special meeting to decide whether or not her life matters.”