Suggesting New Nominees That More Voters Would Like

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump become the presidential nominees in 2016, we will have reached a new low in voter satisfaction. According to polls, both candidates carry high “negatives.” A relatively large percentage of Republicans and Independent voters “would never vote for Donald Trump.” Similarly, a significant percentage of Democrats and Independents would refuse to vote for Hillary Clinton. This unprecedented rejection of the two presumptive nominees, suggests that we will elect someone we don’t like, and will never accept for the next four years.

This bleak prediction causes us to think that maybe it’s time for a different kind of candidate. With that end in mind, perhaps we should consider the type of candidate who is liked by more people. That would not be people like Ted Cruz or Bernie Sanders, who would probably produce equally negative polling results.

Note: The following section of this post is called SATIRE. It portrays an extremely unlikely scenario. It is partially entertainment and partially intended to demonstrate how deeply the electoral process has plunged.

In that spirit, we recommend the following new candidates to replace the current leaders.

2femalesAn excellent replacement for Hillary Clinton, carrying somewhat related skills, would be Meryl Streep. Here’s why:

Ms. Streep plays many different roles concurrently and does so seamlessly. Her record, therefore, compares favorably with Mrs. Clinton, who embraces numerous political positions–often within the same sentence–and attempts simultaneous roles that make her appear to be disingenuous.

Meryl is a consistent winner, as indicated by her many Oscars and awards. By comparison, Hillary has only won one election in nearly 30 hyper-political years.

Meryl’s success is the product of innate skills and years of training. Hillary proclaims that eight years as First Lady qualify her to be President. That’s analogous to a tennis umpire claiming that her work makes her equal to Serena Williams.

Other qualifications for Meryl Streep:

She hasn’t annoyed 200 million people for the past 30 years.

Her laugh sounds like a fresh mountain stream while Hillary’s laughter may frighten small children.

Meryl has no need to tell every audience that she’s a woman. We know.

 

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An excellent replacement for Donald Trump, carrying somewhat related skills, would be John Stewart. Here’s why:

After leaving the Daily Show on Comedy Central, he’s apparently out of work. If he becomes a candidate, he will lower unemployment by at least one person.

Though often considered part of the left-leaning media, he occasionally shoots at a broad range of political stripes.

Like Mr. Trump, Stewart doesn’t care who he kills, as long as he is not aiming at his foot.

John Stewart is funny. His comedy is well-planned. The Donald is funny, whether or not he wants to be.

Stewart is an “older” man, who remains relevant to millennials. The Donald is much older, and leaves millennials asking, “Who’s that?”

Both John and Donald enjoy making fun of others. John, however, does so smoothly as part of a plan. Donald does so as an automatic, involuntary reaction to anyone…more like Tourette syndrome.

John knows that he’s just having fun when he lies to Bill O’Reilly. The Donald doesn’t know whether he’s lying to O’Reilly but turns red in fury whenever challenged.

My book “The Victory that Wasn’t” offers a fictional alternate history with a different kind of Military, and better outcomes for all Americans. It’s available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/1GUL8oX

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Author: Steve Vachss

Steve Vachss has enjoyed a career that permitted him to perform diverse roles. He has been a reporter, a broadcaster, an editor, a tech executive, a tech marketing consultant, and entrepreneur-founder of a company providing online business services. He’s also a US Army veteran. Through all of these experiences, his first love has always been writing. Prior to creating “The Victory that Wasn't,” he wrote literally hundreds of online articles, web pages, and “how-to” books, as well as guest editorials for print media. Born in Stamford, CT, he now lives in Dublin, CA, a San Francisco Bay Area suburb.

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